Curiosity and Humility in LGBTQ+‑Affirming Therapy
When working with LGBTQ+ clients in online therapy, I’ve found it helpful to stay aware of the position I hold in relation to their experiences. I don’t assume that training or familiarity with identity‑related issues gives me a full understanding of someone’s world. Instead, I try to approach the work with a kind of deliberate not‑knowing — a stance that feels central to person‑centred therapy and to any identity‑affirming counselling.
There’s a difference between being informed and believing that information is enough. Reading, training and professional interest can be useful, but they don’t replace lived experience. What tends to matter more in the room is the willingness to stay curious, to listen carefully, and to let the client’s understanding of themselves take priority over any assumptions I might bring. That openness often creates a more spacious and honest therapeutic relationship.
Holding myself slightly outside the client’s experience helps me avoid the subtle belief that I already understand what something means. LGBTQ+ identities are shaped by so many factors — family, culture, safety, personal history — and no two clients describe them in the same way. Approaching the work with genuine interest allows the client to define their own terms, rather than feeling they need to fit into mine.
This kind of curiosity asks for attention and humility. It also asks for an awareness of power: the recognition that I occupy a particular role in the room, and that trust isn’t automatic. Clients need to feel that their identity won’t be misunderstood, minimised or treated as a theoretical concept. Being honest about the limits of my perspective helps create that sense of safety, which is essential in any form of LGBTQ+‑affirming therapy.
In person‑centred work, the relationship is the foundation. Clients often notice when a therapist is trying to appear more knowledgeable or aligned than they really are. By staying close to what I genuinely know — and what I don’t — I can offer a steadier presence. It becomes easier for clients to bring the parts of themselves that feel uncertain, painful or still forming.
Remaining outside someone’s lived experience also keeps me engaged in ongoing learning. Not to become an expert, but to stay open. It reminds me that the client is the authority on their own life, and that my role is to support them in exploring it at their own pace.
Seen this way, being an outsider to certain experiences isn’t a barrier. It’s a reminder of the importance of approaching each client with fresh eyes, without assumptions, and with a sincere desire to understand. That, for me, sits at the heart of therapeutic work.
